A lot of things about dating are stressful and hard and make you want to chuck your phone at the wall and delete all the apps and never leave the couch again. But every once in a while, you go on a date and something great happens. Doesn’t matter what the actual date even is, if one of these things happen while you’re out with ~*~someone special~*~, cherish it — for those of us who cannot.
1. Going for huge sloppy burgers instead of pretending you’re both “full” after three courses of fancy tapas. You need food to survive, and you can’t put surviving on hold just because you want to impress your crush with a sophisticated date over tiny plates. Plus you can’t get into any good, juicy conversation when there are fancy people all around you. Boring.
2. When they act all concerned parent and put you in a cab or an Uber, or ask you to text when you get home. There can’t even be a second date if you don’t make it home safe and sound, obvi.
3. When they compliment the outfit you spent three super-chill hours putting together. Haha, oh, this old thing? I’ve had this forever! Hahahahahahahhahahaha.
4. When they make your ~*~hotline bling~*~ to plan a date instead of texting “lol is this place cool?” Nothing better than a casual “u up?” text, or a “yo im gonna b like 10 mins late lol sry.” Plus, if this is a Tinder date, a phone call lets you hear how sexy or unsexy their voice sounds before you meet.
5. Not having to figure out what and how much to eat beforehand because the date involves an ACTUAL MEAL, not two hours of sipping on measly cocktails. Do you even remember the last time you sat down at a table with something you liked, and also a great date?
6. When you do something ~exhilarating~ (but not illegal) together and are HIGH ON LIFE. May I suggest making out in a park? Or, if you’re truly adventurous, meeting their parents?
7. He doesn’t mansplain anything when something about politics comes up, because he recognizes that you’re an actual genius who doesn’t need his help. Or let’s face it, odd are incredibly high that you’re smarter than him. Womansplain away.
8. When he totally respects your tireless efforts to burn down the patriarchy but holds the door open for you anyway, because you need a break. If men aren’t going to the gym to build biceps that can support even the heaviest of doors, then what even are they going to the gym for…
9. When he still totally respects your tireless efforts to burn down the patriarchy but picks up the tab, because men are still paid more than women and it’s a kind gesture. Not like you can’t afford to pick up the whole bill, but save this for when the gender wage gap closes or for when you feel like pulling a total power move.
10. When they actually listen to your 15-minute rant about why Sex and the City is the best television show ever, and follow up a few days later to say, “OMG, you’re totally a Charlotte.” Common interests are so important.
11. When he smells nice, but not like suspiciously nice, and also not like AXE body spray, which is for preteen boys who think AXE can cover the scent of testosterone and unkempt horniness. Honestly if men would just make sure their deodorant is in check, they’d be doing themselves a huge favor. And aren’t there, like, a million cologne counters in this country? COME ON, GUYS.
12. When he brushes his hair with an IRL comb, not his greasy lil man fingers. Honestly. It’s not hard.
13. When there’s a cute little surprise along the course of the date, like fireworks or an unexpected gift, but it doesn’t derail all your plans. Because a fun little surprise is cool and great, but getting surprise whisked away to another country on the private jet you didn’t know they had is basically just kidnapping.
14. When they ask you questions instead of sitting there, nodding like an idiot, and basically letting you interview them. Questions are how humans show other humans they are interested in them. Not a one-way street, you guys!
15. They walk you home, like use their actual legs to walk you all the way to your actual home. Putting you in an Uber is sweet and great, but this opens up the possibility for a kiss on the doorstep, which is basically how every single romance movie ends.
16. Getting a sweet “goodnight :)” text that makes you feel like butterflies are punching the shit out of your organs, instead of making you feel like you’re gonna hurl because OMG, ugghhhh, they were so creepy. It shows they’re thinking about you, and sometimes it’s cute (and not creepy) to be on somebody else’s mind.
17. When you check Tinder the next morning and can’t find their profile anymore. Basically a marriage proposal.